As I sit here on a Friday night surfing through the absolute nothing that appears in front of me as I flip through the 400 some odd channels on our cable box, I am forced to turn off the tv and sit in silence. The silence of my house, where my husband sleeps on the couch across the room, my 6 year old lays entangled in his bed sheets which I have to completely strip and remake each morning when he slides out of bed still wrapped in those sheets and drops them onto the floor, and my sweet innocent 3 year old daughter sprawled in a star fish shape sleeps taking up more than half of a queen size bed. All 30 lbs, 36" of adorableness with beads of sweat on her upper lip and her hair starting to curl up on her forehead from how hot she is even though she has managed to kick off her sheets yet again. The thoughts that flow through my mind are of the good old days.
The days when I would just be jumping in the shower at this time of night, after making a few phone calls to make sure plans were still on with my friends. The days of heading out the door at 11pm to start my night, and rolling in at 3am to crawl into my bed where I would not move from until at least noon the next day.
My responsibilities included covering my early shifts for the weekends so I knew work would not interfere with my social life. Making sure I had a new outfit for the bar was a neccesity, and that I had enough money in my account for the gas in my car, and plenty of drinks was mandatory!
These were the days when my friends were who I lived for, hanging out, late night chats at each others houses or on the phone, and always making sure I worked enough shifts during the week so my weekends would be mine. Those were the days...
Flash forward 12 years and here I am on a Friday night and my responsibilities are much different now. My life consists of working enough in a week so I know my bills are paid, and there is food on the table and clothes for my kids. That has been tough this year, with the life of self employment that we have both chosen there are times when we have to sacrifice one thing so we know we can provide. We do our best.
I wonder if my parents had the same struggles when we were young children, the self employed life they lived as my dad dropped out of high school to start working with my grandpa. I remember lots of things about my younger years. Very happy memories, lots of fun family times and moments that will last a lifetime.
Alot of the choices I make now, would have seemed very obsolete back in the "good old days" to ever have imagined sitting at home on a Friday night would have been socially wrong, but now as I walk from room to room turning off night lights and lightly kissing both my children as they dream I know that these are in fact the good days, and i wouldn't change a thing.
The memories I have from when I was a child, wonderful memories with my family. All the life experiences I had in my teens, and the things I learned in my early 20's have formed me into who I am today. I am a mother.
My new life of friday nights spent quietly in front of the tv while everyone in my house is fast asleep is exactly where I want to be and I wouldn't give that up for anything.
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