Behind the Smile

You'd think she has it all, judging by her smile.  What you fail to see is that the confidence she exudes hides the truth.  It is nothing but a mere mask, that covers each fear and uncertainty.
Her presence lights up a room, and draws in the crowds.
Envious onlookers are intimidated by her presence, by her confidence.
But the pain is real, and somedays the struggle too much
How can one with so much, feel so little
She cries out for help, but it's silenced.
No one understands, yet everyone understands, not chosing to admit it.
The truth forever hidden, behind the smile

These are my words.
I chose to share them, because even though these are my words, they are also the words of so many others.
How many sit in silence? Afraid to speak.

People will judge, they see what they want to see with no concept into the truth. They see what we want them to see.
That girl who looks like she has it all, so put together and loving life may be harboring terrible life experiences, pain and angst.  So be kind.

This was me, and still is on occasion.  These very raw words are a vision into my soul, the way things were, the ways things are.

And I'm not ashamed. That's part of my story, it's what makes me, me.

I have so much to enjoy.
I'm now choosing to live each day, because I know life is unexpected.  Nothing is promised. That doesn't mean I don't face struggles, on the daily.
I mean, who doesn't? Really.. No one has a Perfect Life.. That doesn't exist.
So why not live?
That's what I chose, I chose Life.
I've decided I want to do everything I can while I'm here.

My last post talked about the struggle of growing up, and not knowing where my life is going.  I believe I have come to a realization that life is whatever you make of it.  It will be as good or as bad as you let it be.  So just choose to enjoy it.
Since my last post I was approached by someone asking me if I would be interested in writing a memoir...  
My response to this request was that I needed to think about it, and that's what I did... That's all I did. I weighed out the responsibility that would come with this, and thought about the consequence of screwing it up, and then it hit me.  What the hell is holding me back?
If I learned anything from my dad's death it's that we don't know when our story ends.
So I'm ready to dive in.

One last thing,
go out of your way to be the person you want your kids to grow up to be. My kids have seen me at my lowest, and I've been very open with them as I've regained my life.  They will know the struggles that exist in life.  I will not shelter them.  They will see that it is ok to not be ok and to talk about it. I will do my best to break down this stigma in my home.
My kids are my most valued treasure, and I owe it to them to be honest.

They will grow up to know that there is always something, Behind the Smile.