Size 12 and Proud

Well, tonight we get Real! Filter is turned off, and I'm about to lay it out.
First let me tell you that on May 13, 2016 I made the conscious decision to quit smoking after being a smoker since the age of approx. 16.  Why now? you ask.  Truthfully I did this as a result of a conversation with my son.  Max came home from school one day with a booklet of information on the dangers of smoking.  He had been studying Smoking in health class that day and he was fueled with details of the ingredients that are in a cigarette.  It was not a conversation I wanted to have, but one I needed to have. He looked at me through his sad big brown eyes and said, "Mommy", I knew at this very moment what was coming, and I had already prepared myself for the answer.  "Will you please quit smoking?" That was it.  After all the times my kids had told me how bad I smelt, or the times we discussed how bad smoking was, this was the first time they had sat me down, showed me concrete evidence of how bad it was for me, and confidently asked me to Please, Quit Smoking!

The date was set, May 13 was the date picked.  It was 2 weeks from the day of this conversation, and also my dad's birthday.  The significance of this day couldn't have been more apparent.
I have had some mediocre attempts at quitting over the years, more of less I decided I was quitting on a Monday, and then when Friday rolled around and I had a few drinks it just seemed natural to light up again.  Other times it would be something stressful, or when I was anxiety ridden that I would turn to a cigarette for help.  Oddly enough, that addiction didn't have as much control over me as I thought it did.
In the weeks leading up to it I consciously cut back on it, knowing the day was coming, and knowing that I was only doing this once made it easier to turn my addiction off.
That morning I had to decide if I had quit already upon waking up? Or was I allowed to smoke for the day and then be done when I go to bed that night? It was really my choice, but seemed like quite a significant one.  I decided to indulge and let myself have the day, but when Max came home from school that would be it.

I can proudly say that 2 years later I am still smoke free! 

Still Smoke free, but carrying an extra 20 lbs.  WHAT??!! (Insert Sigh)
NOW... I don't say this to scare anyone, it is basically a proven fact that one leads to the other.  Smoking increases your metabolism, so when you quit it slows down.  There is also the obvious need to replace the habit, so putting food in my mouth every time I had a craving became quite normal.  I allowed myself to indulge a little more than I should and now here I am 2 years later attempting for the umpteenth time to attack this extra weight. Does this stress me out?? Not a chance!
I will slowly but surely get myself to my desired weight!

What I've learned in the past year, is to LOVE the body I have.  It is the way it is because I gave up a terrible habit.  I kicked smoking's ass! I won.. But my waist line lost..

I refuse to allow societies idea of what a woman should look like determine how I feel.  Every time I look at myself in the mirror I tell myself that I have healthier lungs, healthier skin, happier kids, and am on the path to a healthier life. After all, I have little eyes watching me and It's important we teach our daughters that the body they have is theirs to love, and I make a  point of telling my daughter that I've earned every curve I have.  She sees my desire to get into shape and she knows that my body shape doesn't change the way I feel about myself but it's all apart of my journey to live a healthier life. 

So Love those Curves ladies! Embrace the image you see in the mirror, and never apologize for feeling great and wanting to share it.  The people who can't handle it are the people who need that positive energy the most. 
Anyone needing a boost on their confidence just remember this, You were born to be Real, Not Perfect.