On this self proclaimed journey I am making, I have realized that one of my steps to healing is to take the time to own up to the mistakes I have made in the past. I came to a strange realisation after everything that happened to me. It was that life is precious and things can change in an instant. I have expressed the importance of telling the ones you love just what you need them to know at every opportunity, but I also strongly believe that another key to redemption is to fix the problems you create along the way, so that ultimately you live with no regrets.
I know there are bridges I burnt and people I hurt in my past and in my effort to get my life back on track I have decided it's high time I address these people and issues.
I will be the first to admit that in the past I have made decisions that may have affected others negatively, and it is unfortunate that it took something like this happening for me to realize that something I did to someone may have hurt them. I am not sure how far this blog reaches or if the people I hope to see this will ever actually read it but for now this is the best I can do.
I have been a strong believer in karma and the common phrase. Now, do I believe that something bad happened to me because I did bad things in the past? I can't honestly say yes or no to that. All I can do is try and right my wrongs, and do the best I can to live differently from now on.
Maybe from all that happened I have realized that I would like to be more like my dad, he was an integral part of this community and always did his part for whatever cause it was needed. I know those are some big boots to fill, but I guess my new adventure could be to dive in with both feet and help out where I can. I always admired his eagerness to get involved with different projects and although at the time I selfishly wished he didn't want to dedicate so much time to his community so that he had more time for me, I know that what he was doing was for a greater good.
My deciding to change things about myself is a direct result of the man that my dad was. He was someone that I looked up to and admired. I guess I am feeling like I too would like that admiration some day. Don't get me wrong, I am sure my dad burnt a few bridges along the way, infact I know he did, but from what I understand those bridges were not meant to be left standing. They were with people who he was better off without.
The people we chose to surround ourselves with ultimately form the person we become and directly affect the way we can behave.
Looking back there were relationships that could still be standing today had I not done things or said things to hurt them. For this I am sorry. It is one thing to truly regret the things you have done, it is another to go on through your life pretending you have lived guilt free.
The person I am working on is the one I want my kids to look up to, the way I look up to my parents. I want my kids to know that I was a good person and be happy that I helped shape them into the person they became.
The way we act defines us and it is our choice to make that action a good or bad one. I do believe people can change, and I hope that people understand the changes that have happened in me.
So my promise from now on is to try my best to right my wrongs and be the person who would make my kids proud. To live with no regrets, and to be more involved.
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