Make it about yourself

Do you care too much about what other people think? How many decisions do you make in a day, and how many of them may be made differently if you weren't worried about what other people would think? Every decision right down to the food we put in our body, the clothes we wear, or the way we decide to style our hair in the morning.. Do we do this consciously to suit ourselves? The fact is, too many of our decisions are altered because we all worry too much about how it will look to other people. 
Let's start simple, I'm sure more than one of you readers are concerned with your weight? For myself, it is a constant everyday struggle.  Do I know that I should eat better and exercise more? Absolutely! Am I happy with the way I look right now? Absolutely Not! I have spent far too much time over the past year being sad and feeding my sorrows, ( I mean LITERALLY feeding my sorrows), and the result of it is something I am not proud of.  Does my husband look at me the same way? Do my friends notice it, but think I'm too fragile to say something? 
The baggy clothes have come out of the closet AGAIN, (good thing I never got rid of them the last time I lost weight) and now I am back to trying to hide it, and constantly worrying about what people think. 
Most mornings when I drop my son at school I am in comfy pants, with one of my husbands large oversize hoodies and my hair pulled back as to avoid the just slept on look.  Depending on my mood I may stay in the car and just do a drop and run, if I am having a good day then I actually walk him to his class. 
I miss the days when I enjoyed waking up and selecting my wardrobe for the day.  Now adays I have a pile of jeans in my closet that don't fit, but I am not letting them go because I plan to make them fit at some point.  It's a good thing I work by myself in an office where no one can see me.  All because I care too much about what people think.  I believe that if I keep working on myself that someday soon, I will feel confident enough to not give a Hoot about how I look to others... That someday may not be for a long time, but I will get there. 
One thing I've learned after all I've been through is that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery so why not live for today.. I need to start making it about myself. 
If you are comfortable in your own skin then what other people think should have no bearing on you.  Unfortunately we live in a rather cruel society, and we form protective bubbles around ourselves so that we feel we can face life.  I have fallen into such a pity me stage that I forgot what a strong woman I really am, and it's quite sad. 
Each day I tell myself I am going to make a change.  I will not eat chips after supper anymore, I will start a regular routine of keeping active, but one bad day sets me right back to square one.  I think that alot of people may be able to relate to this. 
Depression can affect people in many different ways and people can choose which way to deflect their feelings of sadness.  Some people fall into addiction, others turn to the comfort of food.  The more I talk about my feelings and wanting to get better and make a change the more my head believes it.  Each and every person has will power, the trouble is getting that will power to work.  It's easy to falter back into old habits because that's what we are used to and that's what is comfortable to us. 
That's why I believe that if you work on your mind first you will be able to tell your body to do whatever you want.  Or at least I hope, let's remember I let myself get into this funk and it is taking alot of hard work and extreme will power to try and get out of it. 
The bottom line is, I need to have more confidence in myself.  It's very easy for me to write this stuff as again you are all reading exactly what I'm feeling.. The key for me is to walk the talk. 
I hope to make the changes that I speak of.. It's time to make this about me!

Each day may be a struggle, but I'm forced to realize that life is too short to not enjoy it, so it's time to make that change... I just hope I can succeed.