And so it begins...

Life's tough somtimes... People get comfortable, in their jobs, marriage, life in general becomes this monotonous routine of waking up, showering, working, cooking, cleaning, and starting it all over again the next day.  Is this what we signed up for?
We get so comfortable in our everyday lives that we forget to stop and, as they say, "smell the roses"...
Do you tell your husband that you love him every time you leave each other? your parents everytime you hang up the phone? Your kids everyday when you drop them off at school? When exactly did you decide you would "settle" into this life and be happy with it?  It's amazing how we roll along each day in our routines and never expect life to hiccup so loudly that it shakes your entire being.
And so it begins...
Life as I knew it was pretty great, as great as I expected it to be, or I guess as great as I made it.  I was happily married with 2 beautiful healthy children.  My brothers were both close to me, we all live within the same small community and generally see or speak to each other at least once a week..
My parents were wholesome, caring and very involved, about the best you could get.. I am going to focus the majority of this post to my dad, not that my mom is not a vital and very important part of my life, but you will understand why as you read on.
I can't begin to explain how much my dad means to me... I am the epitome of a daddy's little girl, I know it and I am not ashamed of it.  Was I spoiled? Some say yes, I say, define spoiled?
If spoiled means being loved unconditionally, being taught values and respect, but also being forgiven for many mistakes, and given the benefit of the doubt, then yes I was spoiled.  I will admit that there was little that I wanted that I couldn't have growing up, however, there was also no question that at 14 I was to get a job, and learn how to be responsible with money.  My dad truly is a man to be admired.. Growing up I watched him dedicate alot of time to different organizations, and I remember vividly being with him and it seemed no matter where we were,  he always knows someone. 
He cherishes his family and friends and everyone who knows him would agree with this statement. 
He lives the perfect life, he has a well established business, and many years under his belt of experience with his cherished Optimist club.. You would be hard pressed to go to a social event in town and not see him there. He is a social butterfly, but also a cherished husband, father and most importantly Papa~!
I have no trouble telling you what a great person my dad was, infact I strive to be the person he....was. 
*Insert sigh*
This is where things start to get tough.
On rememberance day 2010 my dad passed away, and that is when everything changed.  My simple, settled life took a turn that I never expected, and It was like I had to learn to live again, for the most part I knew how to live, I just had no idea how to live without him.   
Each and everyday is different in it's on way, getting used to seeing his truck driving through town, but without him driving it, stopping at his shop and not having him at the front counter.. Not getting the random visits, or phone calls..
For the first few months it was hard to even get up, I knew I had my kids to take care of, but that was the last thing on my mind.  Everything was just supposed to go back to normal..
"normal" - means regular, or natural
I can tell you that nothing was regular or natural anymore.. Life went from the
comfortable "settled" life to something completely new.. My life without my dad
I am now looking back wishing I had stopped more to "smell the roses"  My life with my dad was outlived long before its time.

As most of you will know during my dad's illness I kept a blog to inform people of his condition and it was a great coping mechanism for me.  I still look back on that blog to read people's comments and even though time has passed, the hurt is still very much present.

I started writing a book, but to be honest I don't know the first thing about writing a book, that needs a beginning, middle, and end.. I don't have a middle or end yet, this is just the beginning..
So here I go again with another blog.. In the hopes that it helps me to adjust to this new life...

~And so it begins...